Dealing With Toxic Workplace
Table of Contents
I am going to start with a warning.
If you are an employer, and you genuinely believe your company is a “family,” this article is going to hurt. If you are an HR manager, this article is going to make you angry. But if you are an employee someone who has given their blood, sweat, and weekends to a company that treated you like a line item this article is going to feel like oxygen.
Let’s rip the bandage off immediately. Your company is not your family. Your boss is not your father. Your coworkers are not your siblings. And HR is definitely not your therapist.
“We are a family” is the most toxic, manipulative, and dangerous phrase in the modern workplace. It is a psychological weapon designed to strip you of your boundaries, guilt-trip you into unpaid labor, and make you feel like a traitor for asking for what you deserve.
Families don’t fire their children to hit quarterly earnings targets. Families don’t make you sign a Non-Compete Agreement just to sit at the dinner table. Families don’t replace you two weeks after you die.
If your company calls itself a family, run. You are not walking into a home. You are walking into a trap.
Part 1: The Psychology of the “Family” Scam
Why do companies use this word? Why “Family”? Why not “Team”? Why not “Crew”? Why not “Partner”?
Because “Family” implies unconditional obligation. You don’t ask your mother for overtime pay when you help her carry groceries. You don’t quit on your brother just because he’s having a bad month. You stick together. You sacrifice. You suffer in silence because “that’s what families do.”
By labeling the workplace a “family,” employers are trying to hack your brain. They are trying to trigger your deep, biological need for belonging and weaponize it against your bank account.
The Guilt Trip When you try to leave at 5:00 PM, they don’t say, “You are violating your contract.” They say, “You are letting the family down.” See the difference? One is legal; the other is emotional. They know they can’t legally force you to work for free. So they emotionally blackmail you instead. They make you feel like a bad person for having a life outside of the office.
The One-Way Street Here is the ultimate proof that the “Family” narrative is a scam: Loyalty only flows one way.
- Scenario A: You work late every night for three years. You miss your friend’s wedding. You ruin your health. Then, the company loses a major client. What happens? Do they cut the CEO’s bonus to save your job? Do they say, “We are a family, we will starve together”? No. They lay you off via a Zoom call and cut your access to email before you can say goodbye.
- Scenario B: You get a better job offer. A 50% raise. Better hours. You go to your boss to resign. Do they celebrate you? Do they say, “I’m so proud of you, son”? No. They treat you like a Judas. They call you disloyal. They burn the bridge.
In the corporate world, “loyalty” is just a fancy word for “compliance.” They want you to be loyal to them, but they reserve the right to be ruthless to you.
Part 2: HR Is Not Your Friend (The Enemy Within)
I need you to memorize this sentence. Write it on a sticky note and put it on your monitor. HR exists to protect the company FROM you.
They are not there to protect you from the company. The name itself is a confession: Human Resources. You are a resource. Like coal. Like electricity. Like a stapler. You are an asset to be managed, extracted, and eventually replaced when you depreciate.
The “Safe Space” Trap HR loves to say, “My door is always open.” They tell you, “This is a safe space. You can tell me anything.” Do not fall for this. This is not a therapy session. This is a deposition.
When you go to HR to complain about a toxic boss, you think you are asking for help. What HR hears is: “This employee is a liability. They are creating a paper trail that could lead to a lawsuit.” HR’s job is not to fix the toxic boss (especially if that boss brings in revenue). HR’s job is to minimize the legal risk. And the easiest way to remove the risk is to remove you.
The “Performance Improvement Plan” (PIP) If you complain too loudly, you will suddenly find yourself on a PIP. They will say it’s to “help you grow.” It is not. A PIP is simply the paperwork they need to fire you legally without paying severance. It is a manufactured paper trail to prove that you were the problem, not the toxic culture.
The Rule: Never confess your sins to the police. And never confess your burnout to HR. If you have a problem, document it. Get a lawyer. Or better yet get a new job. But never assume HR is on your side. They are paid by the enemy.
Part 3: The Pizza Party Insult (Cheap Perks vs. Real Respect)
We have all been there. The team is drowning. Everyone is working 12-hour days. Stress is through the roof. People are crying in the bathroom. And what does management do to fix it? They order pizza.
This is the greatest insult in the modern workplace. It is the corporate equivalent of slapping someone in the face and then handing them a cookie.
The Math of Disrespect Let’s look at the numbers. A pizza party costs the company maybe KSh 3,000. Paying the team for the 20 hours of overtime they just worked would cost KSh 50,000. They are not being nice. They are being cheap. They are hoping that the dopamine hit of free cheese and carbohydrates will make you forget that you are being exploited.
The “Cool Office” Trap Beware the company that brags about its “culture.”
- “We have a ping-pong table!”
- “We have a beer fridge!”
- “We have bean bag chairs!”
These are not perks. These are handcuffs. They are designed to keep you in the office longer. They are designed to blur the line between “work” and “leisure” so you don’t realize you haven’t been home before 8:00 PM in a month. “Why go home? We have video games here!”
Go home. A ping-pong table does not pay your rent. A beer fridge does not fund your retirement. Do not accept cheap calories in exchange for your mental health. If they really valued you, they wouldn’t give you pizza. They would give you a raise. They would give you more staff. They would give you your life back.
Part 4: The Curse of Competence (The “Rockstar” Punishment)
In a healthy environment, high performance is rewarded. In a toxic workplace, high performance is punished.
This is called the “Curse of Competence.” Imagine two employees:
- The Rockstar (You): You are efficient. You finish your work in 4 hours. The quality is perfect.
- The Slacker: He is slow. He makes mistakes. He spends half the day watching YouTube.
What happens? Does the boss say, “Great job, Rockstar! Take the afternoon off”? No. The boss says, “Hey, since you’re done, can you take on the Slacker’s project? He’s struggling.”
Your reward for being good at your job is… other people’s work. You become Atlas, carrying the entire department on your back. Meanwhile, the Slacker is left alone. Management decides he is “too difficult” to manage, so they stop giving him work. He gets paid the same salary as you to do 20% of the work.
And when raises come around? You get a standard 5% bump. The Slacker gets a 5% bump because “we don’t want to demotivate him.”
The Lesson: If you are in a toxic workplace, being efficient is self-sabotage. You are digging your own grave with a golden shovel. You need to learn the art of Strategic Boundaries. If you finish a task in 2 hours, wait until the 8th hour to submit it. Do not volunteer. Do not fix other people’s messes. Save your best energy for your own projects, not for a boss who views your excellence as an invitation to exploit you.
Part 5: The Mercenary Mindset (The Solution)
So, what do you do? Do you quit? Do you fight? Do you burn the building down? No. You evolve. You stop being a “Victim” or a “Family Member,” and you become a Mercenary.
Reframing the Relationship Here is the truth: You are a business. You are “You, Inc.” Your employer is not your “boss.” They are your client. They pay you a monthly retainer (salary) for a specific set of services (your skills). That is it. That is the entire relationship.
A mercenary does not fight for “love.” A mercenary fights for the contract.
- When the contract is good, they fight hard. They deliver excellence.
- When the contract is violated (toxic behavior, late pay, disrespect), they leave.
- They do not feel guilty. They do not cry about “betrayal.” They just move to the next client.
The Strategy
- Always Be Interviewing: Never stop looking. Even if you love your job, interview twice a year. You need to know your market value. You need to know that you can leave. This gives you leverage.
- Hoard Your Skills: Do not give away your best ideas for free. If they want you to take on a new role, demand a new contract. “I would love to help with that, but it falls outside my current scope. Can we discuss an adjustment to my compensation?”
- Leave Loudly: When you find a better offer, take it. Do not let them counter-offer. (If they suddenly have the money to pay you now, they always had the money—they just chose not to give it to you).
The Freedom When you adopt the Mercenary Mindset, the toxicity stops hurting you. Why? Because you don’t care about their approval anymore. You don’t care if the “family” is disappointed in you. You are just a business partner fulfilling a contract. You become un-exploitable.
Conclusion: The Masquerade Is Over
You have a choice to make today. You can continue to play the game. You can continue to believe the lie. You can continue to hope that if you just work hard enough, “Daddy” (the CEO) will finally love you. You can stay at the dinner table, eating the cold pizza, wondering why you feel so empty.
Or you can wake up.
You can realize that you are a sovereign individual. You can realize that your skills have value, and that value deserves respect, not manipulation. You can stop being a child in a fake family and start being a professional in a real market.
They will call you “cold.” They will call you “transactional.” They will call you “disloyal.” Let them.
Lions do not lose sleep over the opinions of sheep. And Mercenaries do not lose sleep over the opinions of bad clients.
My new book, “THE TOXIC WORKPLACE,” is your survival guide. It is an 8-chapter indictment of the corporate world. It teaches you how to spot the red flags, how to handle HR, how to set boundaries without getting fired, and how to plan your escape.
The pizza party is over. It’s time to get paid.
GET YOUR COPY OF “THE TOXIC WORKPLACE” HERE